I never know how to refer to you when your name comes up in conversation. It's been a few years now and I still have trouble understanding how you let things between us dissolve the way they did. We were family. And you broke my heart.
Because of you, I think I have a little more trouble letting strangers into my life. You were the last person I cared for so deeply that it physically pained me to see you hurt. Sometimes I ask myself why I invested so much energy in you at all.
I was there for you, man. And I don't think I'd ever been there for anyone like that before you. I would have dropped the world for you. I let you into parts of my life a select few will ever experience. All I ever wanted was to see you happy and healthy and laughing your goofy laugh all the damn time.
It seems you've found a way to do that, even if it means I'm not part of your life anymore. And while it breaks me that you can't face me yourself, I feel at peace knowing you're doing better. Like I said, you were like family — another brother. And I'll always see you as my own blood, no matter how much you royally f*ck up. If you ever choose to confront what happened, I'll be right here. Just waiting to hear your goofy laugh again.
I love you.
The #100daychallenge writing series is my way of holding my right brain accountable for all the brain fog in hopes that I'll learn to creatively organize my thoughts and learn something(s) new about myself in the process. The challenge includes prompts from the San Francisco Writers' Grotto's 642 Things to Write About. You can also follow my #100daychallenge here.