You don't realize how much control fear has over your life until you're forced to answer a question like this one.
If I weren't afraid, I'd leave. Catch a one-way flight to somewhere I've never been with one suitcase, a backpack and my camera.
I'd get to know my fellow world citizens, learn a language or two, try foods I'd never imagined I'd eat, write a few books, jump off a cliff and into the twilight blue ocean. I'd sleep under the stars atop a mountain as the distant sound of crickets play lullaby.
If I weren't afraid, I'd leave the internet behind (with the exception of a weekly call to my loved ones).
But I am afraid. Of missing those loved ones too much and of feeling guilty about leaving my beloved dogs behind. I’m afraid of wasting my time, talent and money. Of the impending loneliness and all of the uncertainty, of everything that could possibly go wrong. Travel woes and sickness. Of being taken advantage of, hurt or worse. I'm afraid of losing relevance and connection, or being forgotten.
For the longest time, I've treasured the idea of comfort. I've intertwined comfort with happiness, contentment. I was recently reminded that the magic happens outside of our comfort zones, that fear dissipates outside of our comfort zones and only then do we begin to understand what we truly want. It might be time to for me to take a step back, too. I’m feeling a little lost in my comfort.
The #100daychallenge writing series is my way of holding my right brain accountable for all the brain fog in hopes that I'll learn to creatively organize my thoughts and learn something(s) new about myself in the process. The challenge includes prompts from the San Francisco Writers' Grotto's642 Things to Write About. You can also follow my #100daychallenge here.