Day 19: What you're worrying about right now #100daychallenge

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At least 17 people died at the hands of a 19-year-old former student of Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School after he opened fire with a semi-automatic rifle at the Florida school Wednesday. I'm just trying to wrap my head around it.

I can't think in complete sentences. So here's a list of my worries at this very moment:

  • Saying too much.
  • Not saying enough.
  • I worry about my brother, who is 3,000 miles away. He's in college.
  • The parents of the victims.
  • The friends of the victims.
  • The teachers at Douglas.
  • The victims.
  • The law enforcement.
  • The doctors.
  • Journalists in Miami and Fort Lauderdale and Parkland and anywhere else.
  • Guns.
  • The fact that this is the 18th school gun-related incident in 2018. It's been 45 days.
  • The fact that it's illegal for the CDC to study gun violence as a public health problem.
  • Why we can't put our children before our pride.
  • If minds can ever change.
  • The suspect, and how he got where he did.
  • The suspect, and how we could have prevented him.
  • Why assault rifles are even legal.
  • How parents will be able to send their kids back to school.
  • How I'll ever send my future kids to a school.
  • Whether I'll be able to homeschool.
  • Whether my family ever regrets moving to America.
  • How hard it is to love this country.
  • Apathy.
  • That I'll forget how this makes me feel.
  • The next time I'll have to feel this way.
  • And how soon that'll be.

The #100daychallenge writing series is my way of holding my right brain accountable for all the brain fog in hopes that I'll learn to creatively organize my thoughts and learn something(s) new about myself in the process. The challenge includes prompts from the San Francisco Writers' Grotto's 642 Things to Write About. You can also follow my #100daychallenge here.

Unapologetically yours,
Fiza