The concept of forever really tripped me up as a kid. When I fell in love with someone, romantically or not, I just couldn't imagine I'd ever let them go — or that they'd ever leave me. "We'll be together forever," I remember saying. "Best friends forever."
It isn't just that I regret saying it because I, uh, just don't like being wrong, but I regret saying it because I know it's something I (and so many others) truly believed. And it hurt like hell when forever didn't last.
If you know me at all, you know that I deeply love the people I love. I still have a hard time fully comprehending the possibility that maybe five years down the road, I won't have my closest friend to FaceTime whenever I want or my brother and I won't have our weekly long distance chats (please don't let that happen!).
But after losing a best friend twice and a few close friends too many times, I think I'm beginning to believe people are meant for you when they're meant for you. Most of the time, it's going to take effort and patience and a lot of hours you just don't have to give to actually sustain a bond. Other times, months and years can pass and everything feels just the same when you get together. I love the latter.
Sometimes, you'll lose someone but cherish every memory you had and only feel the joyful rush of memories past. Other times, their name alone will put you right back in that How could this happen? mindset, maybe even leave you a bit angry.
All I can say is that at this very moment I'm surrounded by pockets of beautiful energy that, if anything, are helping me grow and thrive during this chapter of my life.
Much love to you guys.
The #100daychallenge writing series is my way of holding my right brain accountable for all the brain fog in hopes that I'll learn to creatively organize my thoughts and learn something(s) new about myself in the process. The challenge includes prompts from the San Francisco Writers' Grotto's 642 Things to Write About. You can also follow my #100daychallenge here.
P.S. This doesn't at all mean I don't believe in lasting friendships and lasting love. I'm still as hopeless as ever, but a girl's gotta be her own Devil's advocate, ya know?